Going private

In the life cycle of companies, they can start small and grow larger. Sometimes, if they get large enough, and depending on other intent, they may “go public” or “IPO”. Just like companies can go public, they can also “go private”. Public companies are subject to many more regulatory and reporting requirements. Going private could be an easy way to circumvent nebulous regulations and rigorous reporting requirements.

I’ve been considering taking my blog private for some time now. Writing is cathartic for me, and it has certainly helped to write through complicated webs of feelings, get things off my chest, and impart knowledge/points of view with anyone who’ll listen/read. I try not to get caught up in readership stats of my blog, but I do like that WordPress has a dashboard of stats that tells me what countries my readers are from. It fills me with a small sense of pride to know someone in India, or Qatar, or wherever, read what I wrote. I feel more connected to a more and more disconnected world.

I started writing and posting for my reasons (as personal as they are), but I feel those reasons are becoming obsolete. Yes, I’m purposely being vague here. I find myself no longer wanting to share what I used to keep concealed. I want to conceal, again. Maybe I want to protect my fragile self, and  I’m folding inward. Like the lyrics of the Roxette song, maybe I’m fading like a flower. I am retracting. I bloomed for a while, as a result of writing, but the time for that seems to have passed for now.

Sometimes I feel like no one cares, no one is listening, and my words fall on deaf ears. I thought maybe someday I would take what I’d written and make a compilation autobiography, should anyone ever care to know my viewpoints. Or perhaps my blog posts could be edited into short stories. Little pearls of wisdom. Now, I feel like this string of pearls should be put into the bottom of the jewelry box, perhaps only donned for funerals. Perhaps even thrown away.

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If you come back, and cannot access my page, then I have followed through on this idea. I’ll likely save everything, just in case, for some rainy day… Who knows, maybe I will maintain status quo and just keep forging ahead. My feelings on writing can be cyclical, and perhaps this is part of a natural ebb and flow for me. Going private can be a good thing, and the right thing to do for a business, to ensure it continues flourishing in changing environments. So it can be with online presence, as well.

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2 comments on “Going private

  1. As a fellow blogger, I get what you’re saying. In the big picture, you’re writing for yourself, but it still stings when you feel like no one is listening. I’ve pulled back on my blog lately too, because I’m trying to publish some of my essays and no one wants to look at them if they’ve already been online. I’ll miss you if you go, but I completely understand!

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