The out of office notification has been set on my work email (not quite the blunt “Don’t bother me; I’m living.”) All appraisals for my staff are in, as are all appraisals for myself. All client work has been issued and completed. I’ve managed to make it to the beginning of my 2 month sabbatical from work in one piece. It’s glorious.
Rather than the usual anti-climactic dissatisfaction of completing a project in the midst of 5 other projects running simultaneously, I have managed somehow to orchestrate a crescendo of sweet release all at once. The conductor encourages the silence to play its instrument and it has its moment in the symphony. And it, too, makes a glorious sound.
The sun is shining on this Saturday morning. The weekend and the next two months hold such potential of sheer life enjoyment. I’m enjoying my last weekend in San Francisco for a long time. Fresh coffee just the way I like it in a mug from my alma mater, Chico State. The logo has faded off the mug with time but it still remains with me after 15 years.
Many who know me know I have a coffee cup collection. Most are additions from the Starbucks city mug collection. I like to have mugs from places my friends and I have travelled. This Chico State mug is from the beginnings of my collection, before all my travels, before it was even a collection. College was my first real adventure on my own. Before all of the city mugs, there was this one. It’s one of a kind – the original. The first. It’s been with me a long time, through many apartments and even multiple continents. I am going back to my roots through a seemingly meaningless detail of my coffee routine this morning.
I read an article this morning which struck a chord within me, because I am sort of doing the same thing. Here’s the article, if you’re interested:
This line in particular resonated: “The hardest part was convincing myself it was OK to do something for no other reason than to change the narrative of my life.”
That is, in a nutshell, my biggest challenge. For a fairly selfless person, I need to give myself permission to be selfish. To take time off for me. To spend my hard earned money on a collection of experiences and future stories in Europe during the summer of 2015. I don’t want to be too old to enjoy the time I finally take off, sometime in my 60’s when I retire. These are the days. Now is the time – when I can still walk, after my multiple knee surgeries, before I have bionic legs or an electric wheelchair. While I’m still relatively young and can still make money to re-save what I spend. Most importantly: when I want to do it. My life. My rules. I need no one’s approval but my own, now.
Some say I’m brave, other’s insist I’m stupid. I smugly retort, “I am both.”
I’m enjoying the silence of a Saturday morning, the morning sun in my apartment, which I will miss dearly on this 2 month adventure. I love you, bed. You complete me, couch. Stop looking at me, rubber duckies in the shower. I am on a precipice of a new adventure, readying myself to jump. It thrills me and scares me, all at once. But most of all, it makes me happy. That’s all I need to focus on right now.
I have a life to live. No day but today.