When I was a little girl, New Year’s Eve was almost magical in the power I had to stay up late just one night a year. My parents would drink, but I would get soda, or chocolate milkshakes, or whatever I wanted. Since I had a small family, comprised of only my dad, mom, and me, often we would play board games, or watch movies together.
One thing my mom did on most New Year’s Eves I can remember is do a tarot card reading for herself and me. My dad normally wouldn’t be interested in that kind of stuff. So, to rekindle the memory and see what 2015 had in store for me, I did a tarot reading for myself last night.
For those of you unfamiliar with tarot cards and reading, there are many spreads, or layouts, of the cards you can prepare. I chose a Celtic spread, which is shown just below.
I used a universal waite deck of cards, which has traditional cards. There are 78 cards in a deck – 22 Major Arcana (these are the cards like The Temptress, the Hanged Man, Justice, etc.), 40 Minor Arcana (there are 4 suits numbered Ace(1)-10 of Wands, Pentacles, Cups, and Swords), and 16 Court cards (these are Queens, Kings, Knights, and Pages within the 4 suits). Only the Major Arcana transcend the 4 suits; all other cards are some court or number of those suits. Based on your astrological sign, you can have a particular suit which represents you in general. Being a Fire sign, I am generally represented by Wands. Water signs fill Cups; Earth signs are represented by Pentacles. Air signs are depicted by Swords.
You’re meant to shuffle the cards while you think of a question or issue. For me, I find I don’t need to think of a specific question – it still works if I just shuffle and be in my head and in my skin. I did that last night and could not have received a more helpful assemblage of cards.
The spread pictured above shows numbered cards, and each card translates to something about the question or issue at hand. I’ll go through each card in my spread and translate my reading for you, dear reader, just for shits and giggles. Bear with.
1: Concern, or issue at hand – 10 of Swords, reversed
Firstly, the cards in a spread can either be upright, or reversed. Orientation of the cards actually does have meaning and should be used when interpreting the actual cards themselves. A reversed card can have a very different meaning than an upright card.
My concern is there will be no changes in problems and troubles, but no new ones. I need to have the courage to rise again, as the situation is not as black as it appears. Stagnation causes misery and my mental focus is unclear. Excessive burdens cause back problems.
Now I will tell you the central issue I’ve been mulling over of late, if you hadn’t already guessed by my last two posts. I am not doing what I love at work. There isn’t much spare time outside of work to do the things I love. I don’t even know what the things I love to do are. I have wanted to take time and focus on what makes me happy, and doing more of it. Life is too short not to be happy. However, reality things, like bills, rent, retirement savings, have forced me to be responsible and keep working. What I’d really love is to take time off from work, to travel and find myself. I want to find what truly makes me happy and put more of it in my life. I have been so fed up with work that I actually contemplated burning bridges over the holiday break and handing in a resignation letter now, rather than riding out my responsibilities through the busy season and into the summer.
This card is spot on for the central issue at hand. I’m stagnant right now, waiting in the wings for this grand ideal I have for my life, and I’ve quite literally had backaches this year just from stress alone. As a Leo, I’m supposedly ruled by my back. Coincidence? Perhaps.
2: Obstacles – Page of Cups
The Court cards actually can represent key people in your life. The Page of Cups represents a Pisces, with willowy body, expressive hands, and light to medium hair. The Page of Cups also refers to love and emotions. Ironic, hey? My obstacles are my own goddamn emotions, me, myself. I’m my own problem. Wag the dog…
This Page of Cups can be a homosexual and oversensitive. Who knew I was a Page of Cups?! I always thought my Tarot Court card representation was the Page of Wands growing up. Go figure. This Page may also have problems associated with liquor or drugs. The only “problem” I have is not drinking right now because it can negate the effects of my antidepressants. And it’s not really a problem since I woke up New Year’s Day without a hangover and being productive by writing this post right off the bat. But I digress…
3: Objective – The Devil, reversed
Less selfishness and greed for material possessions or social standing. Wow – spot on. I’ve a wonderful affliction called the Joy of Missing Out (#JOMO) and I honestly don’t give a crap about being a power lesbian or public persona. The goal in my life is to not relish in material possessions, and refusing to worship false gods. There is a desire to face reality, to lift the veil of illusion and be real. I want to use my creativity in beneficial ways. That has been goal throughout this lifelong process of finding out who I am and what I want. I want to be real, and I want to be happy. Not so hard, right?
4: Thoughts and Feelings – 5 of Swords
I see these problems and troubles as very real. There is an unhealthy mental attitude and I’m subject to rash behavior. Desires cloud good sense, and changes may not be positive if made right now. I know I’d be an idiot to quit my job now, without a travel plan lined up, without a backup job, and burning bridges could have very real consequences. While my heart wants what it wants, I need to maintain a holding pattern right now, if it’s the last thing I do. This stagnation could not be harder for me to swallow right now. Word.
5: Past – 4 of Pentacles
I realize the value of material possessions, and avarice may have played a song or two. I knew I wanted to get a good job out of college, make money so I wouldn’t have to worry about it. I kept a balanced attitude about money – I knew what it could get, but I didn’t idolize it or love it. This card also signifies in the past I may have had an inheritance (yes, a small one after my father passed), good health, and a Midas touch. What resonated for me when reading the description of this card is that the Midas touch was also referenced in a lyric in a song I included in the playlist in yesterday’s post, which described the state of mind about looking back on my year. B.o.B.’s “I’ve Got the Magic in Me” – “every time I touch that track, it turns into gold…” Whoa. Mind minorly blown…
6: Immediate future – The Moon
I must learn to control my negative thinking, because refusing to face the truth is counterproductive to my objective. I can be swayed by my own emotions, and be indecisive/moody. I’m not using my intuition to overcome obstacles. There will be fears and doubts about life and my future. So I’ve got that to look forward to…
7: Attitude about the Concern/Question – Death
Before you go assuming the Death card is something terrible, please know it is not. Death signifies the end of a situation and a change for the better. Be open to love and release resentments. New ideas and future plans are healthy – wanting to travel and sort myself out is totally acceptable. Destruction breeds creation. I should use my energy to gain enlightenment and let go of old experiences that no longer have meaning. I guess I couldn’t ask for a better attitude. I’m open and willing to make changes. That’s all I could ask for. The card also says take care of health issues. So I need to try to remain healthy and positive until the time comes for action.
8: Outside Influences – 6 of Pentacles, reversed
The outside environment is encouraging me not to make choices about money. It’s not charitable or sharing either. I have the potential to make unwise decisions about money – like say quitting a job and blowing a wad of cash on a huge trip. Not wise, indeed. I’ve got poverty on the brain and what happens when I deplete savings.
9: Hopes and fears – 7 of Cups
I hope for victory gained in love, and a path of creative visualization or daydreaming. Or perhaps that daydreams will come true… Yup, that’s fair. I’ll allow it. I want to demonstrate mental control over emotions and seek balance. The guidance I seek should come from within – remove the illusion and rose-tinted glasses that comes with liquor and drugs.
10: Final Outcome – King of Cups
This Court card is represented by a Cancer with large head and body, a broad chest, and full lips. He is emotional, loving, caring, and nurturing. He is a good family man when married. His interests are real estate, home products, interior design, food, arts, and science. He needs to feel safe and secure in whatever profession he follows.
So basically, don’t cock it up by hitting send on that resignation letter too soon. Ride it out, be patient, get your emotions under control, and don’t do anything stupid. It will be a good final outcome if you look for yourself within. Sometimes, no action is the best action, and I can forget that.
And for the record, I like to think I’d make a fabulous wife to some lucky lady out there. If she has kids or we have them together, I’d be an ok mom, I guess. I’d want to be able to provide and give my partner what she wants, so I guess being the lesbian equivalent of the King of Cups wouldn’t be all bad. I, too, like interior design, arts, sciences, and duh, food.
Why just yesterday on my impromptu trip to San Jose, I bought a new area rug for my living space. I thought, hey, new rug, new year. Yes, this is the coffee table and couch where I write most of my posts. Paisley (or as my ex-flatmate in Sydney calls it, brocade) suits me.
All in all, the tarot reading did some good to settle my mind and orient myself on what I need to do. I need patience, a little faith, and not to jump the gun. As Bon Qui Qui, a MadTV character says of King Burger, “Welcome to King Burger where you can have it your way… but don’t get crazy!” I, too, can have it my way, just don’t get crazy. I’ll have to remember that one. Ha.